Own Your Disability

My friend Catherine and I sitting in a little cafe in Vatican City, Italy

"When I was young I knew I was deaf. I couldn't accept it."

Marlee Matlin

Writer:  Jacqui Ball   

     As I previously mentioned, people often have the tendency of not acknowledging or accepting their hearing loss, whether it be inherited, congenital, acquired or an unknown diagnosis.  Being faced with different challenges can often have a profound detrimental effect on our personal development, how we see ourselves and how we communicate in the hearing world. 
     
      It is important that once you have discovered that you no longer have the ability to clearly hear sounds or fully comprehend what has been said to you, it is up to you to own your disability and let people know that you have a hearing impairment.  As a hearing impaired person, I too have been faced with many challenges throughout my life. I have documented a few of these challenges, and I hope that as you read through my blog, that you can resonate with what is being said and accept your disability to enjoy your life more fully.

Social Challenges

     Socializing as a hearing impaired person can be one of the most difficult challenges to be up against.  I remember when I was quite young, I had difficulty in understanding what the other children around me were saying, so I would keep myself occupied by actively being involved with an activity that did not require listening. When I reflect back to my past, I was quite an attention seeker, too busy entertaining other children by performing acts that I would see only TV and try a parody of characters that made them laugh. 

     The entertainment gene came from my mother who would sing on stage or a television show, although she was not the most confident person on stage, I still remember it was an exciting time for me to watch her as a child.  My behaviour in classroom was not always acceptable by the teachers, I would either be distracted talking to others in a rather loud tone ( I obviously could not hear my own voice) or humour my way to gain some attention, and would often found myself heading to the Principles office. 

     Growing up as a teenager was a little more difficult, as I was quite stubborn when it came to disclosing my disability to anyone, in fact to some degree, I developed an slight inferiority complex so you could say that I was in denial.  The desire to be accepted as a 'normal' teenager was never the real problem. but my inability to concentrate at length in class or focus on my studies would lead me to all kinds of strife.  I was never without a friend, and would rather be socializing with other teenagers than be committed to achieving high grades at school.  It was much easier for me as I did not have to sit and listen for hours or participate in discussing the subject in front of the class room.  

      I would always associate with people who made me feel uplifted or accepted me for who I was, despite the troubles that I had back at home.  In group conversations, I would guess hypothetically, what topic they were discussing, I would strain to pick up keywords that I would hear and try to engage with the hope of not responding inappropriately, which wasn't always the case.  To be honest I continue to do this even now as an adult.  I realized that I felt more comfortable engaging in a conversation with no more than two people without background noise.  On many occasions, if  I was attending a party with friends, I often found myself being silent while everyone was so busy talking to other hearing people, or I would walk away from the group and sit in a corner alone.  Unfortunately, being anti social is very common for hearing impaired people, when they are unable to engage normally in a social group.
     

Two friends of mine and myself in Istanbul, Turkey

     I have also noticed that people with a hearing impairment can be 'labelled' as intellectually impaired, retarded, incompetent  slow or stupid by people in general which can be an insult to our intelligence.  If you read 'Seeing Voices' by neurologist Oliver Sacs (1989, publisher University of California Press), he explains that most individuals with a hearing impairment gain knowledge through observation, absorb information that is relayed to them, whether it be written on paper or by lip reading, and even if they have not picked up the full content of the conversation, they store the information away in their brain, then try to rationalize what has been said to them by incorporating the content to a more comprehensive form.  This is very much how Auditory Process Disorder is now more of a diagnoses rather than being labelled as intellectually impaired. To simplify this theory further, it means that people with hearing impairment take longer than the average hearing person to work out what is being conveyed to them, so our response to what we hear is prolonged. This is why people often perceive hearing impaired people as slow or intellectually impaired which is not the case.


Employment Challenges
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     Being in a work environment where you are employed, can present various problems for hearing impaired people.  I believe it is wise to be honest if you are applying for a new job. I often tell my employers that I am hearing impaired, so once they accept me into their organisation, they legally cannot dismiss you on the basis that you have a disability where you cannot hear.

     Many years ago, when I was employed as a nurse assistant, an incident occurred at work, where I was accused of not hearing a bell that a resident had pressed, and was sacked on the spot.  I was in such shock, that I decided to fight for my rights and contacted an anonymous work union who negotiated with my employer to reinstate me.  I was put on 3 months probation.  I never told my employer that I was hearing impaired at the time of my interview, but it would have been less stressful if I had of disclosed my disability in the first place. 

      In all honesty, these days you do not have to say anything about your disability in an interview, due to the discrimination laws of today.  You must, however, consider that if you experience a high risk situation in your workplace, and if your ole makes you  accountable, you could end up losing your position.  For example: if the fire alarm rings, and you don't act or evacuate the premises according to the organisation's policy, the possibility that your employer could dismiss you and it is their right to do so.  If they are unaware that you have a disability and you never disclosed to them in the first place,  you will become your own worst enemy.

     
     If you are accepted for your employment position, there may be some tasks that make it difficult for you to manage, for example;

•  answering or talking on the phone unless your employment has supplied you a TTY   or the latest model phone 
• sitting in on meetings
•  responding to fire alarms or bells 
• engaging with clients from cultural backgrounds or with physical disabilities (eg cerebral palsy, stroke etc) 

     If you do decide to disclose to your employer that you are hearing impaired, then there is an obligation for them to accommodate you in your role.
    
     The most significant challenges that hearing impaired people often experience within the workplace, is bullying, harassment and discrimination from particular work colleagues.  I have experience all three challenges but only as an adult.  Sometimes the impact of how people treat you at work and not recognizing early warning signs of any of these detrimental challenges, can have a horrendous effect on hearing impaired people or anyone with a disability.  Being aware of  your rights is vital in the workforce.  It is up to you to disclose what your limitations are as well remind your colleagues of the workplace Bullying, Harassment and Discrimination policies, you will become more resilient and will be able to enjoy your role more.

Home Environment

The fear of the unknown, not being able to associate with groups, hearing particular sounds or being able to determine where the sounds are coming from, are some examples where you depend more on your observational senses.  Living in a secure and safe home environment is really important for people with a hearing loss.  If living alone means that some things we can be deprived of  such as not being able to detect the phone ringing, the fire alarm setting off, a knock at your door, hearing the TV or music on the radio, can make our life rather frustrating, almost to the point where it leads to anxiety and depression. 

     Also the possibility of a person breaking into your house while you are sleeping can be a traumatic experience particularly if you have woken up to find that your bathroom window has been broken into and most of you valuables have gone missing.  It takes some time to overcome an experience such as this, as you lose the ability to feel safe living by yourself.  A lot of hearing impaired people are  unaware of accessible tools and resources which can be used to prevent incidents like these occurring.  Upgraded and creative technology has developed some amazing devices to assist hearing impaired people living independently to live and feel more secure in their own homes without fear.

   The ability to enjoy everyday leisure's while at home has also been improved so that you can watch TV using captions/subtitles, particularly on DVD's that have subtitles or special headphones that makes life so much easier to listen to music. There are phones that you can have access to which indicate that someone is ringing you by a flashing red light as well an amplification button.  The TTY (teletypewriter device for the deaf) is a phone provides a number functions such as a relay service, or you can type on a keyboard and send another person the message.  You are also entitled to have access to a fire alarm which has a vibrating pad to put under your pillow as well as a remote control box with a flashing red light so you can feel and see that there is a fire in your house.  Accessing these devices will apply to those who are eligible and can be arranged through their GP,  audiologist or any hearing resource center in your community. 


Personal Relationships

      Maintaining a personal relationship with someone you have just met or have become attached to, also has some difficult challenges that are often encountered with a hearing impaired person.  It is always advisable to inform your potential partner from the very first time you meet, so they are aware of your disability.  It allows them  to  make a choice to support you or not.  I have to warn you though, some partners are terrified of being in a partnership with someone who has a disability, so prepare yourself for rejection.  It really takes a special kind of person to not judge you. 

     I have had a few incidents when I was much younger, where I would have a date with a guy, go to the pictures and even though I could not hear what was being said on the screen, it was even more frustrating not responding to a date who is trying engage with you. Particularly sitting in the dark and not being able to read his lips.  Occasionally my date would say sweet nothings in my ear and I would pretend that I understood what he was saying but reply with a completely irrelevant answer.  I would never see that person again and would end up feeling hurt or rejected.  You will find yourself in an awkward position if you hide behind your disability and may possibly cause the relationship to deteriorate. 

    Partners who accept your disability need to keep in mind that understanding and supporting your hearing impaired partner will not only improve your relationship but it will improve their self esteem and enhance their confidence. 

     Partners who are not informed about your disability either will become frustrated, angry or resentful and more problems will start to develop as a time goes on.  This is because your partner has not been educated about the disability and has no insight to how it affects the hearing impaired person.  People with hearing impairment will often appear to be co-dependent on their loved ones, but realize that they trust you  as a hearing person as well as feel secure and safe knowing you have accepted them with all their flaws, no matter what they are.  This is what a good partnership is about.
     
     If you are lucky enough to strike gold and have met a genuine, caring partner then be honest and you will have a great chance of a successful relationship.


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